Cold Coffee
by PrehistoricCat
Summary: "She glanced over to where Connor was sitting and she had to blink back the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks.  Today she was saying goodbye to him, possibly for good."


**Disclaimer: Not mine, no copyright intended**

**A/N: I'm on a high, just got back from the MCMExpo in London where Tim Haines & Adrian Hodges did a question and answer forum on series 4 and showed the promo trailer! Wow! It looks amazing, bring on January 2011! Anyone interested in a few spoilers, send me a private message :)**

**This fic was written for the Autumn 2010 Primevalathon on LiveJournal.**

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Abby stood at the counter, waiting for the drinks to arrive. She'd ordered two of the largest coffees that they did, trying to prolong the inevitable. She glanced over to where Connor was sitting and she had to blink back the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. Today she was saying goodbye to him, possibly for good.

About a month ago, Lester was contacted by someone from the 'Innenministerium' in Hanover; the German equivalent of the Home office. It seemed they had recently discovered their own anomaly problem and had been looking for help from other countries. Several meetings later, Connor had actually volunteered to go to Hanover and share all his research with them. Abby couldn't believe it when he told her; it was the last thing she'd expected him to do. She had thought that once he had thought about the implications he would change his mind; but as time went on it was obvious how keen he was to go. He'd even been out and got some CDs and phrase books so that he could learn some of the language, and being Connor he picked it up very quickly.

She carried the two large cups of coffee over to their table. "There's enough caffeine in there to last three weeks!" Connor laughed.

"Don't want you falling asleep on the Eurostar do we?" she said. She watched Connor take a sip from his cup then picked up her own. It was good, strong coffee; the sort that has to be drunk slowly. "How long before you have to check in?"

Connor looked at his watch and swallowed nervously. "There's no rush." He briefly held Abby's gaze before turning his attention to his bag. "I should check that I have all my documents."

Abby sensed a sudden change in Connor. Until now, he had been very keen and couldn't wait to get going. Now he was actually here at St. Pancras station and the reality was setting in, he seemed to be stalling. He was spreading his paperwork out across the table. "Will you double check it for me, Abby? I'd hate to get all the way to Hanover and find that I have to come back because I forgot something."

Abby secretly thought that wouldn't be a bad thing; she didn't want him to go at all. She picked the documents up one by one and handed them back to him. "Passport, ticket, Home Office I.D., work permit, covering letter from Lester... I think that's it, Connor."

"Thank you." He muttered, putting them back into his bag. He sighed, closed his eyes for a moment then took another sip from his coffee.

"Why are you doing this Connor?" Abby suddenly said. She instantly regretted it. She may not want him to go, but she couldn't hold him back either.

"These people need my help, Abby. I've pretty much done everything I can here, and it's just not the same without Cutter around. There's nothing here for me now." He dropped his eyes to look down at the table, unable to actually look directly at Abby.

Abby felt her chest tighten. His last sentence hurt. She wanted to tell him that there was something here for him; if he still wanted it – but how could she do that to him now? There was a long, awkward silence as both drank their coffee, trying to work out what to say next. Connor finally broke the silence. "This is all pretty scary eh? The end of a huge chapter in my life."

"Yeah." Abby said. "We've had some ... interesting experiences."

"Oh yes!" Connor smiled. "If you'd told me when I started my Palaeontology degree that I'd be studying real, live dinosaurs for a living..." he shook his head. "and now look at me! Off to Germany to help another team get started."

Abby reached over and held his hand. "Cutter would be so proud of you." she said. For the first time since they'd arrived, Connor made proper eye contact with her. She could see that he was fighting back tears too. "We're all proud of you."

"I'm nothing special, Abby. I've made a complete mess of so many things." He squeezed Abby's hand tighter. "If I could go back and change things..."

"Like what, Connor?" Abby said softy.

"I wouldn't have let Tom and Duncan get involved. Maybe if I hadn't shot my mouth off, Tom would still be alive."

"They got themselves involved, Connor. You mustn't blame yourself for what happened." Her thumb stroked the back of his hand as she spoke.

"And Caroline. I wouldn't let myself get taken in by someone like her again. Who in their right mind would be interested in a geek like me?"

_I am_, Abby thought. "There's lots of genuine girls out there who would love to be with someone like you. You shouldn't put yourself down over one bad experience."

"Maybe if I'd been more of a man and not denied saying..." he stopped, and blushed. He untangled his hand from Abby's and picked up his coffee.

"Connor? What were you going to say?"

"It's not important. That's all in the past and we're both moving on."

Abby took a deep breath. She had to say something; what did she have to lose? "Are you talking about what you said when you saved my life?" Connor nodded. "Why did you deny saying it?"

"I was with Caroline, you don't tell another girl that you ... that you ... when you already have a girlfriend. And apart from that, you always look so disgusted when someone mistakes me for your boyfriend. It just seemed easier to have not said it at all."

Abby felt her stomach lurch. She hadn't realised Connor had felt like that. It explained why he had stopped flirting with her and why he didn't respond when she kissed him the other week. She had hurt him, and he had put up a barrier to protect himself. She understand that defence mechanism so well, until recently she had barriers up too. Growing up, Abby had never really experienced love. She'd given plenty, and all she wanted in return was the occasional hug or a "well done, Abby." Instead, she got a beating. That was how you showed "love" in the Maitland house.

There was an announcement over the loudspeaker. The train Connor should have been going on was leaving. "You missed your train, Connor." Abby said.

"I'll transfer onto the next one. Shouldn't be a problem." he said.

Abby took another mouthful of her coffee. It was almost cold but she didn't care. It was an excuse to keep Connor sitting here for a few more minutes.

"What about you Abby?" Connor said.

"Hm?"

"Is there anything you would change if you could?"

She closed her eyes. How much did she say? She decided to be vague, it was better that way. "Maybe there's a few things I said that I regret, and maybe there's things I should have said but didn't. It doesn't matter now though, it's too late to change anything."

"Like what, Abby? Come on, I was honest with you." Connor pressed.

"OK, maybe I shouldn't have done the whole 'he's not my boyfriend' thing. I didn't realise how much that hurt you, and I'm sorry."

"It's OK. You're forgiven." Connor smiled.

"No, Connor. It's not OK. You put your heart on your sleeve and I pulled it off and ripped it to shreds. That's unforgiveable." Abby felt her throat tighten, she was on the verge of crying but she knew she had to hold back. "No-one has ever said that they loved me before, and I didn't know how to handle it. The fact that the person saying it was someone I ... felt close to made it even more scary."

Connor took her hand again and looked her straight in the eyes. "Any regrets about things you've done? Especially recently?"

"None whatsoever." She said firmly. She knew exactly what he was referring to.

A small smile spread across his face. "Really?"

Abby nodded her head. "No regrets." She was suddenly aware that they were the only ones in the shop now. The waiter was leaning against the counter waiting for them to go, he had already put the chairs up on all the other tables. She swallowed and bit her bottom lip. This was it, she wouldn't be able to stall him any longer. He stood up and picked up his suitcase and bag. She followed him out of the shop and walked towards the international check in.

"I guess this is where we say goodbye." Connor said, his voice faltering slightly.

"Shouldn't that be 'auf wiedersehen'? Doesn't that mean 'see you soon' or something?" Abby said.

"You're right. Goodbye seems so final." Connor said. He put his case down and pulled Abby into a hug. She squeezed him tightly, not wanting to let go. Why had she taken so long to realise what he really meant to her? She was losing him and it was all her fault. She buried her head in his shoulder, determined that she wouldn't cry and make this even more difficult. Connor softly stroked her cheek and kissed her forehead before squeezing her even tighter.

They broke their embrace, and for a moment Connor hesitated. There was an announcement that check in was closing in five minutes. "I should go." he whispered, picking up his suitcase and walking to the barrier.

"Take care! Call me when you get there." she called. He waved and she watched him go through the passport checks. He disappeared around the corner and that was when she finally let go. Her tears flowed freely, and through them she choked "Don't go, Connor. I love you." She knew it was too late, but she couldn't have said it to him. She had to let him go, despite the way she felt. She was the wrong person for him, he deserved someone who wouldn't hurt him with a careless word. He deserved better than she could give him.

She thought about waiting to watch the train leave, but she couldn't bear the thought of what that meant. She couldn't face the thought of going back to the flat alone either, not yet, so she made her way back to her car and decided to just drive somewhere – anywhere that didn't remind her of what she had just lost.

-o-

It was close to midnight when Abby finally plucked up the courage to go back to the flat. She had thought that if she just went straight to bed, she could pretend Connor was still there and that he was asleep in his room. She wouldn't have to face reality until the morning. She practically dragged herself up the stairs and flicked the light switch. As she did so, she heard a groan and a yawn, and saw movement in the corner of her eye.

"Connor! What the hell are you..." her heart was pounding.

"I didn't think you were ever coming home, where've you been?" he said sleepily. He'd been sleeping on the sofa, and was now sat up.

"Never mind that, Connor! What are you doing here? You should be in Paris by now, your train to Hanover leaves in the morning." She was shaking her head.

"I couldn't do it, Abby. After I'd gone through check in, I came back to say goodbye again... and you were standing there sobbing. I tried to call to you, but I couldn't get my words out. As I watched you walk away, I knew I had to stay and ... at least try."

"Connor..." Abby felt tears prickling in her eyes again. She couldn't quite believe he was here and that she had been handed a second chance. Moving to sit next to him, she placed her hand on his cheek, forcing him to look at her. "I love you." she said softly, leaning in to press her lips against his; her breath hitching slightly as they touched. Connor responded by sliding his arms around her and returning the kiss; letting out a contented sigh.

"I wish I'd done that when you kissed me before." Connor said, blinking back tears. Abby leaned into him, resting her forehead against his. "Might have saved us both a bit of heartache these last few weeks."

"Shh!" Abby whispered. "It doesn't matter now. We've both made huge mistakes. " She kissed the tip of his nose and smiled. "I love you, Connor Temple."

"I love you too, Abby." Connor said, then gave a nervous laugh. "Can't believe I just said that and you're not running away."

"Connor, shut up!" Abby said, crushing his lips with hers and allowing herself to be lost in a moment that should have happened a lifetime ago. They had a lot of time to make up, but at least now they were both where they belonged – in each other's arms.


End file.
